“When The Sun Shines, We Shine Together (Apart)”
It’s going to seem that I’m obsessed with friendship or with my friends, but these days I’ve been thinking about my friends from the past, some stayed right there in the past, others are in my present and there are some of the past that I’m trying to bring back.
Throughout our lives we find “soulmates” or “best friends”, not all necessarily become your partner or you fall madly in love with them, but you do share a love that invades your whole being, a need to spend every minute of your day with them , know what they think about the things that matter to you, know the things that matter to them, laugh out loud, share secrets, have “mental conversations” without the need to gesticulate a single word, and complete sentences (action that apparently it is obvious evidence that you are, in fact, connected with someone).
So today I decided to talk about my “soulmates” or “best friends” from my past, not that it is always a plural word, but yes, I confess, I have found some throughout my life (For privacy purposes, no specific name will be mentioned, although there are some photographs, sadly I don´t have pictures from them all, but I manage to find some, please don´t judge the outfits, fashion changes).
I have never been a person from a large group of friends that we know from kindergarden, no, I have always been more like the lone ranger. And not that it’s a bad thing, but it must be incredible to think that my group of friends goes back to my oldest memories of my childhood.
I will not talk about why my relationship with these “soulmates” ended because it would be a lot of drama, instead, ill talk about the special things that we shared.
If I go back to my first group of friends with whom I shared endless laughter I think about my friends from the last years of elementary school, a group of 4 or 5 that got together in sleepovers, swam in the pool of a friend, drove her golf cart and had fun all day, however the best was at night, when we painted ourselves like idiots, we played to pretend that we had a radio station (in which I was always the male conductor due to the characteristics of my voice) , we watched movies that our parents forbade us like “Scream” or “The blue lagoon” and we stopped the image when Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins slipped of a kind of slide and the penis was seen, and together we laughed for hours until finally before bed we had our dose of jokes on the phone where our victims were often our own parents.
What incredible memories of those times, fortunately with this group of friends, although we have grown in different ways, every time we see each other we have our dose of “memories” and we end up exactly the same, laughing out loud.
The next group of friends (formed from some elements of the previous one) was much more serious, we were already in high school so we no longer met to see a stranger’s penis on a screen to laugh, but we planned which fifteen year parties we were going to go, what were we going to wear, who was who and who liked who. It was really fun, I was not allowed to go to clubs so whenever we went out I used to stay to sleep at the house of a friend who obviously had very cool parents for the time. Incredible times, endless laughter, funny plans, movies, guys chasing us, we chasing boys, endless adventures, Christmas dinners, birthday parties, traditions, in short, we were teenagers and we took it very seriously.
This group of friends was the longest I belonged and although there were many friends who came and went, we were always seven (even though among ourselves we said that we were a dozen) so yes, although I shared different things with each of them, in those Years of my life, I had seven “best friends”. Unfortunately now with many I have no contact, they got married, they have family but all this I know now as a spectator. With some I have retaken some contact and planning a meeting to have a long update of our lives.
I had another group of friends who are now 7 hours away, who despite conquering us hundreds of years ago, they let me conquer them this time (I tried to make a joke, but it was terrible), I think this group of friends were in fact a dozen (ironic right?) and from the day I met one of them because we sat together in class the adventure of one of the best years of my life (from that group of friends one of my current “soulsister” sister was born). Go to a nightclub in the afternoon because there is apparently that option for teenagers in that country, Halloween parties, subway trips, shopping days, birthday parties, nuns, the first day I saw the snow in my life, parties of schools, gypsies, handsome men, Goya hippies, shell necklaces, Argentine belts, drunkenness in a park and endless adventures, laughter and dancing, which ended only because I returned to live in Mexico, but each one these friends are treasured in my heart and I feel grateful that they are part of the story of my life.
Then I had a friend, who I knew because he was one of the best friends of an ex-boyfriend of that time, and it was a really authentic friendship, we could tell each other what we liked and what we did not, there were no lies or hypocrisy, he and I were uncovered, exposed, I knew the worst of me, my fears about love, my insecurities and I think I knew his, I think with him, I learned that you can have a friend of the opposite sex without the need to have second or hidden intentions, it was an incredible relationship that accompanied me for years in one of the most interesting and challenging adventures of my life as it is to have your first real boyfriend.
Parallel to the “not real” dozen group of friends, I found a person of those you could choose to take to a desert island, the connection was instantaneous and obvious to all the people around us. Our universe was she and I, and then the world around us, we rehearsed choreographies to dance at parties, we made commercials for TV (without camera, or TV), we pretended to have different nationalities that for reasons of credibility, were accompanied by an incredible accent, we made jokes to all our contacts, we shared clothes, makeup, food, even many people said that sometimes we looked like each other. It was a relationship, almost like a courtship, she was part of my family and I was part of hers, in her house there was always a place for me at the table as well as in my family gatherings for her.
We were almost the same person separated by our postal code, we did almost nothing without consulting the other, she was literally as they say “my sister from another mister”, with a look we knew when it was time to rescue the other from some conversation not wanted, a handshake could mean let’s go, when we touched our eyebrow was obvious sign that the boy we spoke with should disappear, I could hit anyone to defend her, we heard “Fergilicious” from Fergie or any song froms Rihanna and we ran, as in a race, at full speed to make space on the dance floor, in short, a true “soul mate”, together in the good, the bad, the abundant and the lacking, health and disease, it seemed that the the wedding speech was made for us. My best memories are full of her presence and she was one of the great loves of my life, because yes, love is not only here to share it with a couple. To think that now we are almost strange beings makes my body tremble and my eyes fill with tears because deep down my soul refuses to let her go completely.
And as in the history, parallel stories always occur within other great stories, and this is when I met my last great group of friends from the past, formed equally by my “soulmate” previously mentioned and two other strong members.
If I could define this time of my life with a word it would be “fun”, uncontrollable laughter, doing all stupidities, obsessing with tuna toast, music festivals, loyalty, sick relationships with men, unconditional support, marrow bone dinners, being groupies of “Loop Vanilla”, planning the weekend from Monday to finish watching us every day, nanny nights, grapes with vodka at the Christmas dinner, exchange of sexual objects as gifts, support to get a tattoo, dances without rhythm, travel to the capital, concerts, bad friends with bad influences, bad decisions, but always, always the four of us. We were like the fantastic four, only here was a man and three women, us against the world.
And although not with all the members my relationship ended, it changed. I no longer belong to that group of four, and although I have been, as before, a spectator of their lives through social networks, and exchange messages with some, I know we will never be the ones before, because we are not the ones we were then.
Thinking about all these friendships fills me with mixed feelings, it would be incredible that none of these relationships had ended, but I guess it is part of growing and changing, each one evolves in one direction and sometimes with much luck the direction is the same and I think that part of there that you have friends from the past in your present. Fortunately, with some of these people I have returned to contact and I am anxious to be able to meet, probally leaving the negative things on the side we can create a new and authentic relationship.
Probably there are many friends that I did not manage to mention in depth and I hope they do not feel bad or excluded, I am always afraid to end up writing a book of thousands of sheets that nobody reads and it is very complicated to think that there is a certain limit to tell something that matters to me , I do not know if I have a limit for Americanoize, there are never enough characters to mention how we feel about something or someone (for that reason I do not work with Twitter), I miss many friendships, friendships that arise in summer camps, trips , in school projects, in the first years of the university, in short, we are always generating new friendships, but I wanted to mention those that nowadays generate a sense of hollowness in my heart.
So I think my invitation for this week is just that, get close to those people from your past who enriched you at some point, probably hurt us or we hurt them, it’s not about seeing who is guilty, this time it’s just to send a message saying something like “Hello, I remembered how much fun we had when we were friends, I hope everything is fine in your life”, probably without the intention of seeing each other or on the contrary planning just that, but this week try to open that door to the past and see all the participants with a huge smile, because they all made me the person I am today, all supported me at some point, all made me laugh out loud or cry until I fell asleep, everyone loved me and I love them all, so if you’re a friend of my past and you’re reading this, I thank you for these wonderful memories.
Ahí nos vemos!